It’s a amazing, whenever people talk about their asexuality they’re told it’s their Romantic Orientation that truly matters, and when people talk about their aromanticism they’re told it’s their Sexual Orientation that matters. What they’re really saying is that the A aspect of a person doesn’t matter. Who we are doesn’t matter. We are what they say we should be and our place is where they decide it is.
My asexuality is not a modifier, it is the most prevalent part of my orientation. Do not tell aces or aros that those aspects of their identity are just modifiers to the other part. If you are not ace/aro you have no business defining those orientations, and even if you are ace/aro you have no business defining other people’s identities for them. Your asexuality may be a modifier for your romantic orientation but it may not be the same for others. Stop telling other people how to identify.
Tag: asexuality
I like you.
The idea of holding your hand gives me butterflies.
Your hugs are amazing, I’d like them all the time.
The thought of kissing you gently makes me blush.I’d like to maybe ask you out.
Because I like you.
Your personality.
How we share interests.
And I think we’d be good together.But I’m terrified of it all.
Because what if you don’t accept that I’m asexual.
What if we start dating but then you think I’m leading you on.
Or worse, what if you think you can change me and force me into a situation I’m uncomfortable with.What if we’re just not compatible as a couple because I’m ace and you’re not?
I don’t want to lose you as a friend because of that.
But at the same time, I don’t want to be just friends with you.
Because I like you.
I really like you.
But just not sexually.
Books by ace-spectrum authors with ace-spectrum main characters
When it comes to asexual representation in books, I’m most
interested in reading ace main characters written by ace authors. Ace side
characters are always great, but I really love getting the ace character’s
point of view, and I believe authors who are ace themselves are best equipped
to pull that off realistically. Thinking about this, I ended up making the
following list of all the books/series I could find that have an ace-spec MC
(or at least a point-of-view character) and were written by an ace-spec author.
Click the links for more info and discussion. If you know of any I missed, I’d
love to hear about them!
- Blue Steel Chain by Alex Beecroft
- Deadly Sweet Lies by Erica Cameron
(two POV chars; one is ace)- Fourth World by Lyssa Chiavari (two
ace POV chars)- Coffee Cake by Michaela Grey
- After I Wake by Emma Griffith
- The
Chronomancer Chronicles (series) by Reilyn J. Hardy- The Bone People by Keri Hulme
- The
Shape Shifter Chronicles (series) by Lauren Jankowski (multiple ace chars)- Candy Land by Lissa Kasey
(multiple POV chars; one is ace)- Model Citizen by Lissa Kasey
- The Faerie Godmother’s Apprentice Wore Green
by Nicky Kyle- Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan
McGuire- A Promise Broken by Lynn E.
O’Connacht (a secondary POV character is ace)- Kanaan & Tilney: The Case of the Arms
Dealers by Jenna Rose and Katey Hawthorne (one ace author) (two POV
chars; one is ace)- All
for the Game (series) by Nora Sakavic- The Asexual Equation by R.J. Seeley
- Ely, Jesse and Robin’s Guide to Asexuality
by R.J. Seeley (all three MCs are ace)- From Under the Mountain by Cait Spivey (multiple POV chars; the
MC is ace)- Yash and Ryo Lost in the Milky Way
by Barbara
G. Tarn (one of the two MCs is ace)
I’m
also posting this list on a static page, and I’ll be updating it there as I
find more books/more are written.
I just read this super sad post about this girl who’s asexual and married and everyone is basically telling her that she doesn’t deserve her husband/she’s just a prude/she should just do it anyway.
So I want to tell you all right now that if people tell you this, or if they tell you you’ll never have a relationship, it is BULLSHIT.
My husband is asexual and I’m not. He’s sex repulsed, we don’t have sex, we never have.
And it doesn’t matter to me. You know what does? He does. His mental health and wellbeing matter to me. Because he is my best friend and he’s one of the smartest, kindest, funniest people I’ve ever met. And he’s had people tel him that he’s broken and it makes me SO ANGRY because they are WRONG.
Being different doesnt mean you’re broken.
If you don’t like sex/don’t want it/etc. Do not let anyone tell you that you’re inferior because you’re not.
Do not let anyone convice you that you’ll never have a relationship because they’re wrong(if you want one).
You are not broken, and it will be okay.This made me feel really good. Remember this, for all my ace spectrum friends out there
#it’s really reassuring to hear from the partner #the one who’s not ace #but is totally cool with having no sex #loves her husband anyway #is in a stable and happy relationship #it’s such a relief when you discover that asexuality is a thing #that you’re okay #but then you start to wonder if it means your only chance at not ending up alone is finding someone else who’s also ace #but no #turns out it’s not #that’s really good to hear #so #thanks #so ace #so space
I hope you don’t mind me reblogging your tags but these are my feelings EXACTLY
I’m always a little nervous that I’m not “good enough” for a “real relationship” because sex isn’t on the table. So yeah, these stories are reassuring
The amount of pressure from society to have sex is incredible. We’re told it’s linked to relationship health and if you’re not willing to do every damn thing you’re labeled a prude. It’s incredibly disheartening, especially considering how one’s libido can change over the years even if you’re not ace. Nice to see a supportive piece from a partner.
Hello friends. I am currently a herteromantic asexual that has gotten into my area’s Ace Hunt. I have managed to sabotage several missions, and helped many asexuals get away. But…I think they’re onto me. What do I do??
You’ve done your job, get out. It’s too dangerous. You have gained us a lot of information and been a valuable asset, leave the rest to the others. Take the first left, then go straight for a couple of metres. After that take a left, two rights, another left and finally climb the ladder. There should be a motorbike with a safehouse’s location programmed into it. Take the bike and we will discuss other matters later.
date a boy who will accept that you’re asexual and won’t pressure you into sex
hey, the moment you say het/aces are not straight you’re also saying that homo/aces are not gay so maybe idk… think about it this way. implying that homo/aces are not gay is basically saying that gay people only care about sex which is, you know, Not True and definitely homophobic.
except “straight” is usually taken to mean “heteroromantic heterosexual” and “not queer”, and I’m not that. “gay” tends to be a wider term, as well as an umbrella term for all kinds of queer people. When “gay” is used as its basic meaning, “homosexual”, then, yeah, homo aces are not gay either, because they’re not allo. saying het aces are straight erases them from lgbt+ spaces, suggests they don’t face acephobia and/or misguided homophobia (which they do)… in general, by saying that you assume that het aces have straight priviledge which, surprise surprise, they don’t.
so, yeah, I’m not straight. and my fellow het aces aren’t either.
this is your friendly reminder that heteroromantic aces are still asexual and therefore still belong in lgbt+ spaces
Too many people keep insisting asexuals face no discrimination whatsoever, despite me having provided numerous responses to these claims, so here’s a single post:
Asexuality was treated as a sexual dysfunction up until the DSM-V which says only self-identified asexuals are valid. If you don’t know you’re asexual, or have never heard of asexuality (which is actually very likely), you will still be treated for a disorder, where none may exist. Asexuality was only partially demedicalized in 2008.
Asexuals are very likely to receive threats of rape, and do often get raped because they are asexual. Many asexuals report being raped by a significant other or sexually assaulted by a stranger because of their asexuality.
Stop ignoring that we face discrimination. Stop telling us we face no discrimination just because you, personally, haven’t seen it happen in front of you. You haven’t seen it because you’re engaging in it happily.
“asexuals are more discriminated against than any other orientation” you will literally never be fired, sent to jail or be KILLED for being asexual
@courteousmingler did a lovely job here detailing that yes, in fact, we are, if you believe history and facts. So, like… try again there.
Also lmao, no, I’m not American, but again, keep trying. I’ll be here waiting for you to ignore literally all of the LGBT+ history because you’re so desperate to hate ace people.
the post doesnt quote a single law specifically against asexuals that could be on par with homophobic laws
So what your saying is, that even if you USED to be targeted by the laws that existed, if none CURRENTLY exist in your country, then you’re not oppressed, despite being less likely to be hired, despite rape, dehumanization, abuse, coercion, ‘therapy’ or other medical treatments for your sexual orientation, despite being turned down for housing, and despite assault? Good to know those things aren’t oppression. /sarcasm, in case you can’t tell.
Then no LGBT+ person in any country that does not explicitly state ‘it’s illegal to be gay’ is actually oppressed, by your OWN statement. People suspected of not being straight were murdered, including asexual people, I suggest looking up the spinster movement too as asexuals were part of that. Homophobic laws were not usually ‘directly’ targeting NOR specific to gay people either. Laws that banned sodomy did not ban it just for gay people after all. They banned all sex acts that were not penis in vagina, for straight people too, and anyone suspected of not having specifically that sex, whether it be they were having ‘the wrong kind of’ sex, or not having sex when they “should” be, were and are targeted, but if you really wanna bight those bullets, I guess it shows you’re willing to do just about anything.
No, there is no specific laws that target asexuals in the country I live in. There’s also no specific laws that target transgender people, no laws that target gay people or lesbians, no laws targeting bi or pan people. If asexuals, who used to be targeted, and yes, we were, are not oppressed any more because those laws don’t exist now, then neither is anyone else in the LGBT+ community where I live. Despite the fact that all of us obviously, you know, are. Hell, there’s no laws that target jewish people here, yet I still feel the brunt of anti-semitism in my community. Amazing how laws are not required for oppression to exist.
Are those comments the opposite of the “You’re being murdered? That’s impossible murder is illegal.” meme?
Furthermore are there not several states with consummation laws. Whereas I doubt you can be arrested for them you could be taken to civil court and have your marriage annulled.
starry-eyed 