officialgarrusvakarian:

acecasinova:

jynxtaposition:

acecasinova:

scrap-patch:

acecasinova:

Also I know halflings can’t in canon have babies w/ like any race that won’t just produce a halfling
(Dragons/dryads/celestials/fiends can, but that’s just making aasimar/tieflings/sorcerers)

But consider:
Halflings are like the CORGIS of fantasy races, so if another race has a kid with a halfling, they just look like a half sized version of the other parent

GIVE ME VISUALS YOU COWARDS.

G*d you’re so right

I’m so running with this. Imagine… Tabaxi Halflings trying to pass themselves off as a large cat.

“What do you mean ‘too big’? I’m a Maine Coon, clearly”

lmao my current character is half halfing and half orc. She’s two and a half feet of rage and is always ready to throw down. Her last name is Kneecrusher, bc that’s all she can reach.

This is… Very Good

kramergate:

djgnarly:

pkcider:

canisthejwalker:

pkcider:

classystarman:

who’s gonna dm at my wedding?

roll for wedding vows

It’s a Nat 1…

“me… husband” I say nervously as I accidentally knock out the marriage officiant and somehow eat the ring

It’s time to toss the bouquet, everyone roll initiative.

i just want to make it absolutely clear that i am at OP and and first commenters wedding right this second and this post is literally all i can think about

@chlorinetrifluoride

…now i know why straight people like the idea of marriage so badly

Environmental Hazards

yourplayersaidwhat:

(same group as this post)

In a Dragon Age campaign based during the first blight, we had been in a very large city for quite a while. The Blight caught up with us, and the dark spawn began to assault the city. We met the force head on in the outer sector of the city, only to come face to face with a horde of Hurlocks and the Archdemon itself.

Me, the Qunari Barbarian: (surveying the map our DM had drawn out) Ok, we cant win this – but if we run now we’ll die anyways. We need a diversion. How about this cow?

Our DM had drawn a small enclosure with a cow inside it.

Human Barbarian: What if you throw the cow.

Me: I attempt to pick up the cow and throw it at the Archdemon.

Me: (Rolls nat 20)

DM: … You somehow lift the cow above your head, and throw it directly at the Archdemon… 80ft away from you.

Necromancer: I CAST SUPERIOR WALKING BOMB ON THE COW.

Everyone pauses to stare at our mage. After a quick check, the spell has a 120ft range. The spell succeeds.

Our DM begins to roll a saving throw for the Archdemon.

DM: (Rolls nat 1)

DM: … Roll for damage.

Necromancer: (Rolls crit, max damage)

DM: (Holding face in hands) The cow explodes, and transfers the spell onto the Archdemon and the nearby Hurlocks, who also explode. The explosions continue and damage the Archdemon until the entire group you were facing are dead, and the Archdemon is a pile of steaming goo.

DM: This was the main battle I planned for this session.

DM: I hate you all.

DM: I am never drawing a cow on the map again.