chartreuse-chasmophilous:

sooo… apart from my Hufflepuff!Neville AU, I’m so very, very tempted to write a Gordon Ramsay teaching Potions AU. But, like, not one where he teaches them from day 1 – no, I’d like him to, idk, substitute for Snape in their 3rd or 4th year, when they’re still young but Snape obviously established himself as a terrifying figure to those kids.

Imagine Gordon introducing himself and saying he’ll be teaching them for a few weeks, because Snape got ill or some other shit (maybe Dumbledore made him do some urgent buisness for the Order?). And he says that he wants to get to know them and their skills, so he asks them to prepare a quite simple potion. And Neville is so terrified he’s literally shaking, so, obviously, he messes up almost instantly and his brew begins to produce large amounts of smoke. Gordon obviously comes to him straight away and asks, “so, what do we have here?”, and Neville begins to cry – oh Merlin, it’s their first lesson with a new teacher and he screwed up in the first ten minutes, he couldn’t be more of a clutz, could he?

Except when Gordon sees that the kid’s crying, he becomes almost as concerned as Neville. “No, no no no, don’t cry, it’s alright, really – see?”, and he takes some ingredient and fixes the potion quickly, “it will be fine if you add more nettles and stir clockwise for a minute. It’s alright, you were doing great, just got nervous. It’s nothing we can’t fix”, and stuff like that, and Neville’s so surprised he actually stops crying, nods, and starts working. And, by the end of the lesson, he’s made a pretty decent potion – maybe for the first time in his life – and he’s so amazed and proud he’s beaming. And Gordon asks him to stay after the lesson, and Neville gets anxious again – he’s not going to reprimand him, is he? and Gordon says that he did pretty well today and that he should believe in himself more, mistakes happen to everyone, you have to focus on how to solve them. And he also tells him that he’s here to teach them, so Neville – it’s Neville, right? – he shouldn’t be afraid to ask the teacher for help, because that’s what he’s here for. And Neville is literally speechless at that, and only after a moment he manages to say that professor Snape didn’t like it when they asked for help. Which makes Gordon curious, obviously, so he asks why. And Neville, reluctantly, tells him a bit about how he got himself into the hospital wing a few times, and how Snape took away points from Gryffindor, and how he was always rubbish at potions, really, and that Hermione sometimes helped him a bit, but professor Snape thought that was cheating… And Gordon’s not stupid, he sees how the kid behaves around him and hears the story and is able to put two and two together – and later that evening, if you were walking leisurely on the grounds near the headmaster’s office’s windows, faint screaming could be heard.

The next week, Ramsay officially replaces Snape as the Potions Master. Everybody except the Slytherins cheers.