jumpingjacktrash:

squidcakebake:

vassraptor:

regurgitation-imminent:

therainingkiwi:

acertainmaybe:

a-dreaming-equestrian:

no more ‘vampires who correct history books’

more vampires who don’t remember
more vampires saying ‘i don’t fucking know man, google it’
more vampires not remembering important historical figures
more vampires not recalling centuries worth of history
more vampires saying ‘ that was at least 300 years ago, how the FUCK could i remember that detail?’
more vampires whose brains work like human brains

More vampires who 300 years later can’t remember what was the truth and what was the lie they told to get out of trouble.

More vampires who are like, “I don’t know, man, I spent most of that decade in an opium den.”

More vampires who weren’t paying attention because they didn’t think it would be important.

More vampires who don’t know because there was lot of conflicting gossip and they don’t want to point any fingers.

More vampires who are just bad at dates. “Back in 1620, or was it 1645, wait, what year is it now?”

More vampires who were on a totally different continent when it happened, so get off their back and stop asking them questions already.

YES to all of this but also consider: vampires who only remember the most trivial stuff.

“Oh yeah, the only thing I remember about the American Revolution was this nice candlemaker I met sometime, and she was wearing this really cute red shawl…”

“Uhhh I don’t remember much about the fall of Rome but there was this one fucking cobblestone right outside the coliseum…”

“ … is that what we’re doing in Rome?”

“After 2000 years of holding grudge against that toe-stubber, GODDAMN RIGHT we travelled here to make sure it’s gone”

“I’m sorry, man, my memory really sucks.”

“Did you just.”

More vampires who never met any historical figures
More vampires who have no clue what year it even is and are just going along with it

i have a 800 year old vampire who rode with genghis khan

“oh yeah, what was he like?”

“dude do u know how big the army was, i did not hang with genghis ok, i saw him from a distance and he was on a horse and i was frankly more concerned with this itch i had on my feet”

“ok but you can tell me all about the military campaign right? like where you marched and who you fought and –”

“where i marched: where the guy in front of me went. who i fought: whoever was trying to kill me. you wanna hear about all the weird ass ways we brewed alcohol in camp, i’m your guy, and also i can talk a lot about whores and horses, but we did not have google maps or cnn.”

very disappointing to historians, this ancient uyghur vampire

also he drinks like a fish, likes to go hipster-tipping, and has no clue who’s president